I am making this short and sweet because I am so overwhelmed I don’t know where to start ….. Is it bad to say corona and staying home has been the best time of my life? Because it has, it has been truly amazing. Because for the first time ever, my mom and I have enjoyed each others company for longer than an 4 hours. In fact, it was 2 months, in a studio apartment. And it was the best time of of my life. This is why I came home 3 years ago, and now it all makes sense. My mom has a terminal disease called Cerebellar Ataxia and I came home to be with her and help her figure it all out. And I think after this time together, we have a true understanding, one we have been searching for for a long time.
The first thing we learned is that we are even more like then we realized. Now holy sh*t I did not think that was possible. I mean, as ya’ll can tell, we are very very similar, we look, sound, act, laugh, our mannerisms, all of it – is like a freakin carbon copy, always has been. And maybe that’s why we didn’t get a long for so long. And I realize all this now. What a gift. I came home to figure out whatever it was that was standing between us and I wanted to conquer it, find peace, and tell the story. And now because of corona – and all of you, I am 🙂 In fact, getting this job was to me, on Q102, is a sign from the powers that be that I made the right decision coming home and I am where I am supposed to be and to follow it. So, in my eyes, because of my her, I got a dream job I never thought possible. And every step we were in it together driven by gut feelings we shared without saying a word.
– I mean she is my mom but to me, its more. Hopefully, this is how everyone feels about their mother… Her and I just get each other, that women needs never to utter a word again and I will understand her forever. And her me. Its kinda twin like from what I understand of that bond, but something has been standing in our way. And it f**king pissed me off and also, drove to my deepest core of love. And isn’t that how real love works.
For instance, when we started the work out videos, she was not planned to be involved. I asked her to join me in the first one because I was too nervous to do it alone. So she said yes and I was so freakin thrilled. I have a buddy, soften the blow. Then after the first video-something happened. She saw herself – maybe for the first time, on full body camera, and had a hard time really seeing just how affected by this Ataxia she is, and it was hard for her, really hard. She said that night she was not going to do the videos anymore, I didn’t push it (I knew she would change her mind) but I also knew what was holding her back, the realization that the MaryBeth we all knew, the one that was always – I mean always – dancing, laughing, cooking and cleaning the floors on her hands and knees for no reason-was really gone forever. And I could see it in her face that she was really understanding it. Putting yourself out there is the best way to self acceptance. And you only have space to grow from there- now which direction you go in, that is up to you. And I am so proud of her, she went up like a bat-out-of-hell, per her usual. The videos have turned out to be our favorite thing to do together, and they make her so happy, in a way I haven’t seen in a very very long time.
…stay tuned for more. Until then..follow your gut, keep your chin high, and your buns burnin 😉