foto is from 2018 😉

You know, I know its COVID but when did I become so lame, I just realized over the past few weekends I spent most of my time with my parents. I mean my clock is ticking, I need to be live-laugh-love-ing as much as I can right now – are we allowed to see friends yet? As my county is in purple I have taken it a few steps further as for staying home. A few friends have had get togethers I didn’t feel comfy going to ..so as I complain – was I doing the right thing? Why does doing the ‘right’ thing (most of the time) have to be so boring? I don’t care how old you are or how many kids you have or mountains you have summited or Grammys you have won, can we all agree on this. Doing the right thing sucks most of the time. There. I said it.  Sometimes I just wanna drink full sugar Redbull, eat donuts, chain smoke, face f**k Whiteclaws, and kiss everyone around me… are there other vices I am forgetting? Im sure I love those too, add them to the list, I’m just too busy over here face f**king claws to remember.

Now, I have friends who honestly don’t know what I’m talking about. And for that, I am so jealous, always have been. It took me a along time to find anything in common with those people. I read an Australian men’s magazine periodical this weekend that rejoiced and celebrated the splendor of vice’s. Explaining that they  “…are what make life so much worth living..” ..the article went on to explain that is why living super clean most of the time makes vices that much more enjoyable. Well, duh. Is that the elephant in the room? But what happens when those lines get blurred? How does one reel it back in? You Listen.  It’s cliché bc it is true. I have found the most success from just listening, to yourself, to others, the world around you, take a step back. And it’s a common theme people speak and write about often bc it never gets old. Just like telling your kids to brush their teeth every night. Or how many times a day do you say, “are you listening?  did you hear me?  what did I say?”

It’s also apparently hard. For all humans.

How often do you make decisions for yourself? If I was a betting woman I’d say maybe not as much as you like. I know I don’t. But recently I have. And it started with re-quitting. Last time I said I was quitting bc I didn’t want to make a bad example for my brother, it was killing me to smoke with him and in front of him. Well, he quit the first time around, and then there I was, sneaking out on my balcony …when decisions come from deep within and come to you, they are non negotiable and easier to make, all you have to do is follow the being that has taken over your body and mind, listen and trust. Those decisions are true blessings, so easy. Making a choice has been removed and you are simply doing what is now natural to you. In your flow. Main training those decisions is the hard part. You know the   truth deep deep deep but don’t you always listen. Alas, we are human. I felt this way about moving to Colorado and moving home, both decisions I met with great highs and great lows and they both changed me greatly. I wish I could say I weathered it all with style and grace but all I know is that I made it out alive. and for that, i am proud….I feel like all of us are going to be saying that when we make it out of this. 

Updates, and congrats to everyone doing their own journey’s. All clean and dry and good to go here. Currently…day 24- hail yes. I even just spent the entire weekend with mom, her smoking and martinis at dinner. And yes, I am studying to be an instructor.

Stay Fly,

Make yourself proud,

Nat