Floating. That’s the best word I can come up with for how I’ve been feeling lately. Just kinda floating. So many things up in the air and not much definite. And it’s not a bad thing or a good thing. It just is.
Giving up control of the uncontrollable is an every day party and I think that’s why I feel like I’m floating. Since I’ve been working so hard at being aware of when I’m going into control mode and I’ve been so conscious of letting go that I’m just out there witnessing and not getting too involved in anything. Is this making any sense to anybody besides me??
Basically I’m going with the flow more than usual…with Jakob, with financial stuff, with relationship stuff and with other stuff. And I have no clue how any of it is gonna turn out. I’m concentrating on how I react to all of it and that’s it. Not getting my panties in a wad over what I can do to make things go my way. Ahhhh…letting go of control. Never really realized how I struggled with that before…now I see. And now is the time to get it in check. And once again, it’s Jakob who got the ball rolling on this big life lesson.
Jakob is just awesome, incredible, amazing. Sentences are pouring out of the kid. One of his favorites is “Mom, go get it”. He’ll tell me he wants his “shoes on” so I’ll tell him to go find his shoes and he says “Mom, go get it”. There are more uses for that sentence than I would have ever imagined. He wants his chalk, markers or crayons and I hear “Mom, go get it”. He wants something to eat or drink and he says “Mom, go get it”. I bet “Mom, go get it” is spoken in my house 20 times a day…at least. It’s pretty cool.
He’s in a phase where all he wants is to be outside. He’s discovered sidewalk chalk and he loves to make his “eat milk water ball” list in the driveway. We’ve also started making “Jakob’s List” which consists of 10 things he likes to do. The list begins with “Eat 2 hot dogs” and ends with “Dance the Hokey Pokey”. It has been the same list for the past week or so and if we go through all 10 items, it can take us a couple hours. What takes the most time are “Eat O’s” and the four Dr. Seuss books. They’re long but they’re some of my favorites…like “Sleep Book” and “Horton Hatches the Egg”. Those never get old. Problem is, we always read Sleep Book first and then we keep yawning through the next three.
He continues to give us more and more eye contact, he’s been very snuggly and he’s just overall so much more connected. We continue to detox and add more supplements. Occasionally we’ll see some yeasty behaviors (weepy, whiney) and a little of saying “no” to everything but for the most part, this week, he’s being pretty agreeable and happy. His color looks great and he’s having solid stools!!! For the first time in over a year…yay! Never would I have ever dreamed that something like poop texture would excite me sooooo much but it soooooo does.
It feels like everything is coming together with Little Man and it’s amazing how we feed each other. I give up trying to control him and he relaxes which makes me relax and before ya know it, it’s one big party. But the cycle starts with me. And the beauty of it all is when it comes to what I can control, the only thing on that list is me. And I’m so grasping the entire concept, putting it into practice and loving the results.